July 4th....one year later

What a whirlwind of a year this last one has been! I was blessed to be able to be in Washington D.C. last year for the 4th of July and this year I felt blessed again to spend it with my amazing family. I am so excited to show how far I have become-I'm happier than I thought I could be. When Josh and I got divorced I didn't know that I could be truly happy again-but I think I have found that again. I have realized that I hadn't been happy for a long time with myself leading to letting myself go and getting deeper into a hole of depression and self loathing. I can look back now and see that and say that-at the time I couldn't. 2010 was a rough year. When I went to D.C. in 2011 I thought I was happy-I had lost 20 lbs. or so and thought I was doing good but I was still hung up on the past. Looking back now I almost don't recognize myself-more the "pretending to be happy Alli"-I have very few pictures from the last few years because I wasn't happy. But I feel like I have found a place where I am now happy and secure with who I am. I feel blessed for the life I lead. To those that have stuck by me-THANK YOU! To those that have left my life for one reason or another-Good luck! I am loving who I have become and enjoying the journey. I have met some friends who I can't imagine my life without-ones who I look back and can't remember not being friends with-whose children have become adopted nieces and nephews-Thank you Cathy and Diane. Ok enough of the talking....here are my official one year pictures :) 75+ lbs gone! But that doesn't count the emotional weight that I no longer feel! July 4, 2011 I was "blending" at the art museum.

Before heading out for the bbq!

July 2012 at Magna Park-fireworks with the family!

Side by side!

Here I am :)

Well in some aspects I am a major slacker (this blog) but in other news I have a timeline that I would like to show-one that while I'm not proud of the beginning point I am proud of where I am now. This blog is mine to remind myself of the journey and path my life has taken. It is definitely not where I thought I'd be. Looking back I never felt overweight or unattractive-and I have always had a knack for being able to dress to my size and shape and look smaller than I actually am. Now for the picture...then I'll talk about it.....



I don't have many pictures from 2010 or 2011-I refused to have it taken and when it was I usually deleted it. The picture on the far left (in blue) was taken at the digging up of a time capsule from freshman year with my "AJ Girls" at this point I was my heaviest-I weighed 215-220 pounds and I was wearing size 18 clothes. I am now at 150 pounds and a size 8 or 10.

Many times along this journey I have been asked what my goal weight is-the truth I haven't had a goal weight at any point-my goal was simply to feel healthy again-I wanted to be in control of my life and decided that I would start to be healthy and just see where that took me.

My secret? There isn't one-just being healthy again. I refused to give up any foods at all-those of you that know me know that I LOVE my treats, soda, and snacks. So with that in consideration I very possibly could have lost the weight faster but would gain it right back because I couldn't give it up permanently. So instead I changed my biggest meal to lunch and I try (not always successfully) to not eat after 7 pm on school nights. By always having treats/snacks available at home (and in my purse) they really aren't as much of a temptation and I don't need as much to satisfy my snack urge.

NEW!!!!!!

I will need to do a separate post on my Christmas break but I couldn't help but post about the fun NEW things that happened this week......

I hit the 50 lb. mark in my weight loss! Not that I love sharing that I had 50 lbs. to lose but I am proud of me!



I changed my hair to brown again and decided that I will be growing it out for now...we'll see how it goes. I've been growing it since September and if you know me at all this is a LONG time! Don't mind my strange face in this pic lol!



And last but definitely not least....I BOUGHT A NEW CAR!!!!! It's a 2012 Dodge Avenger and I LOVE IT!!!! I still can't believe it but I love it and I am so excited! The cute guy with me was the car salesman who also gave me a dozen roses :) So fun!





With this comes a new year! I am kicking butt and taking names. 2012 is going to be a great year for me! I can't wait for the new things coming my way! Happy New Years to all of my dear friends!

Catch Up.....

What an amazing last few months it has been...so many things have happened. The last time I blogged was back in June. I enjoyed the rest of my summer off with lots of playing and relaxing. In July I took a spur of the moment vacation and ran off to Washington D.C. to visit my dear friend Stephanie and cousin/friend Brad. I was able to go and be in our nation's capital for the 4th of July. I was able to be there for 6 days and enjoyed every second...I had the time of my life and was able to find a whole new confidence that I didn't know was inside of me. This may sound silly but traveling cross country by myself was a big deal-I then ventured out in D.C. for 2 of the 6 days all by myself-I was able to see and do things that I could have only imagined. I grew closer with my cousin Brad and was able to meet his amazing roommates who are now my D.C "ohana" (family)


August started and I was able to go to girls camp with the family ward that I had previously been attending-what a great time! I grew to love the girls even more and the leaders as well-it truly made me miss a home ward setting. Then I went to play at Bear Lake for our singles ward activity...there I made some friends that have become some of my dearest. Though Jana isn't pictured here and she has been instrumental in my liking the singles ward :) (she'll be pictured later). We had a blast camping and playing for 3 days-the water was freezing but we had tons of fun-played on the beach and went out on the boats! Yay for friends.



School started at the end of August and I am again at the middle school-I got several students back and gained lots more :) I have a classroom of 15 this year-they are quite a handful but I love them and love the school I am at.

September came and went...I was able to take a fun cooking class with a date and Tys and Melissa-I love those two! I was also able to do a presentation on suicide prevention and awareness to the health classes in the middle school that I teach in. I feel blessed to be able to share a message of hope to those students.


October brought general conference, UEA break, my birthday, and halloween....this year I was able to spend General Conference weekend with friends in Midway,Ut where we not only enjoyed conference but we celebrated Hunter's birthday. Over UEA break I got to take Taylor and Trevor (my cute nephews) to Lagoon! We had a great day! On the 18th I turned 26! Wahoo! I was able to have a great day at work! My class made me 2 cute candy posters! I was able to celebrate for a whole week...I enjoyed Texas Roadhouse with my family (TeKarri has the pictures) and I even went to Benihanas with Jana! We also had a party at Svedin's that Steph put together for all my Logan friends :)-my baby sister even came and got to see me with my crazy friends :). I also got to go with Taylor to one of the BYU games-we got awesome box seats thanks to Hunter! Halloween was pretty uneventful-I had fun dressing up as a tired teacher and wore pj's and my robe to school :) As many of you know I am a bit of a candyoholic-so the day after Halloween is one of my favorite days-candy at 50% off! The last of this group of pictures is from that day :) I went a little crazy! But I still have lots!


Onto November! What a fun month! I attended the Breaking Dawn (Twilight series) midnight premiere with my sisters! We had a blast-the party started at 4 pm the night before and the movie started at midnight! What a fun time-I have awesome sisters! We went with some of TeKarri's friends and had a big size group! I also had some fun allergy tests done-and big surprise I am allergic to lots of things! I also had a great time at Thanksgiving with my amazing family-we were with my mom's side of the family this year-I believe the final count was 44...yay for family!


These last two pictures are ones that while I am proud of I don't love to share the first one I believe it shows how far I have come in the last year! The one in black with the scarf was taken in October of 2010-the purple shirt one was taken the last week of August of 2011...the one in green is from Thanksgiving. I am loving my workout routine and feeling good again! I am grateful for the life I have!

Time Flies

Time flies when you're having fun....and even when you're not! :) I still can't believe we are over halfway through June! I made it through my first year of teaching middle school and my 2nd year of teaching! I am learning more and more each day! I can't tell you how relieved I am that I made it through! I am already loving the stay up late nights and sleep in days :) I'm looking forward to some fun summer plans! I've already been able to read 4 books, spend time with my awesome nephews, had some barbeques, and some serious relaxing time :). I still have lots of fun things and can't wait to finish up my rearranging and cleaning of my patio!

In May we had Memorial Day....this has always been a big day for our family but especially since Riley's passing. The pics are of his headstone, with some family, and some of us spending time at my Grandma's house talking about our ancestors and those that protect our country.

At the beginning of June I was able to go with my dear friends Tyson and Melissa to Vegas to see them be sealed. I have known Tyson since we were really little-he's like a brother to me. After Josh and I separated and got divorced Tyson and Melissa were some of my truest friends. Tyson could not have married anyone more perfect for him-I love Melissa! It has been so fun getting to know her and be able to become friends. They are a fun couple and I love that they let me hang with them :)

I was able to take my 9th graders to Lagoon for 9th grade Lagoon day! It was a blast! I love the teachers that I work with. Who knew water guns and shooting at unexpecting students could be so fun :)
I have begun to get used to being single again. I started going to a singles ward and man do they have activities-this week we had something every day Sunday-Saturday! I didn't go to all of them but it was a blast! I'm excited to get out and about again with people my age :) I have to say thanks to all the friends who have stood by me these last few months-I know I haven't been too much fun-I promise it's getting better. Letting go of Josh and all that those words entail have been difficult and at times I haven't been too positive. So thank you to those that have been a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a person to distract me. I can only hope to continue to progress and try to be happy. In the words of my favorite Dori...I'll "just keep swimming" :) This last pic is of a student from last year...LOVE him! I got to see him last Tuesday and he immediately ran up and hugged me! I haven't seen him forever and love that he remembers me!

Nothing

Wow! That is all I have to say...it has been a doozy of a week-well month for that matter. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off! I am so looking forward to Spring Break-the warm California sun is calling me! It is amazing to me that I have been teaching middle school for 135 days! Only 40 to go before summer break! I have been so blessed with a wonderful group of kids this year-last year was great too in a different way. It seems the Lord really does know what I need and has placed me with kids that will help me be a better person and teacher. The last month at our school has been a hard one for sure though. We have had 3 student deaths in the last few weeks-each from differing things-while I didn't personally know any of the students I felt a true sadness with each one. I have been incredibly impressed with how well the school responded and how supportive the faculty and staff have been towards each other and the students. As we begin a new program at our school I am quietly reminded of how I wish that Riley would have told someone about the pain he was feeling-that I could have done something to help him. But alas we cannot turn back time-I can't change what happened. I miss Riley each day but lately I have felt him more and his love for me. I think he would be proud of me-of who I am becoming. This post really has no point and I am rambling...so I will cut it off here. Have a great day! :)

Me...that's all I have to give

Lately I have had a great song by Faith Hill come to mind.

Me
That's all I have to give
What you get is what you see, yeah
No second guessing, no pretending
All I ever have to be is me

This is who I am...while I believe that of course people change and grow there are fundamental things embedded within us that at the age of 25 just aren't really going anywhere. I enjoy being me. I know I have little quirks and some might say that a few of them are pretty strange but I like them. I am proud of how far I have come in my life and where I am. 2010 was the hardest year of my entire life-this is my journal so I am going to share-if you don't want to know then stop reading now. While there were many good things that happened in 2010 I also went through some rough times. In January my little and only brother died-it was a shock and caused/causes much heartache and sorrow. February and March brought many medical tests and even a sleep study-they still can't figure out what is wrong with me :). April and May I finished my first year of teaching and had to say goodbye to some of the best teachers I have ever met-knowing that I was going to a new school-I was leaving elementary and going to the middle school-it was a hard thought to swallow-I was going from a school with 4 classrooms just like mine to me being the only teacher at a school teaching students with disabilities. (on a side note it is a wonderful school and I am enjoying being here and excited to stay next year). June brought a surgery for my mom. July was Chelsi's (my baby sister) turn to have surgery-should have been a routine tonsillectomy but it wasn't-she did well while in surgery and in recovery-2 days after being sent home her body decided that the medication prescribed to her was too much and her lungs collapsed-my mom found her unconscious and not breathing and called 911. Chelsi spent a few days in the hospital and is now doing fine but gave us all a good scare. August came and I further prepared for the school year. On August 24 (what would be my 2nd day of school) I received a phone call at 1:30 in the morning from my mom to let me know that Karli (sister just younger than me) had been in a car accident and was injured pretty badly. Karli ended up breaking lots of bones and was in the hospital for several weeks and a hospital bed in my parents home for several months. We call her bionic woman now and tell her she is quite "screwed". She has worked very hard on rehabilitation and is walking and back to work now but she also gave us a really big scare. September came and Josh and I separated. I don't think this is the forum to discuss the details and really it isn't anyone's business-but it was a hard time and not something anyone wants to go through. The next few months brought rough times at work and struggling with students and their behaviors. Teaching special education is something I am very passionate about and I love-that love was tested this year. There are small things that added up to make a more difficult year but these are the biggies.

BUT I survived. I am still here and I am still happy. I learned so many things about myself over the last year or so. I am able to see that and able to see growth. I hope to be able to keep that up. I am learning more and more how much I love teaching and love the amazing students that I get to work with. I feel blessed that parents entrust their children to me and allow me to try and help them grow. I am excited to be able to stay at the same school next year and even keep the bulk of my students. While I may be stuck in my ways in some things I see changes coming. I have a hope for the future and can't wait to see what it will bring me. Hopefully I will keep this updated more than I did before. Thanks for sticking around to read all this!